November Blues
by PadfootTheDramaQueen
Summary: Wolfstar short story which takes place during the Marauder's fifth year at Hogwarts.


Remus didn't like November. In fact, he dreaded it; hated it. It was too cold to go outside and yet not cold enough to call it winter. Still, it was a kind of cold that froze your limbs and bones and even your teeth. It was a sharp chill, accompanied by bitter winds that cut through your skin and hardened your nose into a physically uncomfortable red lump. It weakened Remus, made him shiver. Gray and gloomy, the sky would be covered by masses of clouds, weighing down on him with menacing pressure.

November was bitter and freezing and bleak. And the worst part was; he couldn't find solace anywhere in the castle. The corridors were cold and dark, the Great Hall was somehow duller and even the Gryffindor common room seemed different. Not even his dormitory could satisfy him any longer. The library made him feel lonely. The classrooms made him sad. And wherever he went, however big and bright the fires lit in various chambers were, Remus still felt cold and stiff.

But one day, one fortunate, fortunate day, Remus had finally found a place where he could hide. A place where he could go and feel like time and weather were things from another world, things that didn't in the slightest affect him. He could go there and forget his worries and his stiffness. Even though he still felt somehow lost and out of place, he felt a little better. At least for a time, he'd be safe, away from the icy gloom and frozen shadows of the outside world.

And so, during the second week of November, when Remus felt particularly grumpy as he woke up to a noisy dormitory, he slipped out of the room, wearing his blue pyjamas and a heavy night robe, and out onto the still, chilly corridors. As he went down hard stone staircases and turned sharp corners, Remus walked automatically, trying to shut out everything else from his mind, because if he didn't, he was going to break down crying. The dreary, dismal atmosphere was too much for him.

He finally reached the big yellow tapestry he was looking for. Ducking underneath it, he tapped the bricks with his wand and muttered the magic words. The solid gray before him slid open, revealing a brilliant, glowing, warm white light, reflected off polished marble walls. As he entered the castle kitchens, humid warmth embraced him and made his stiff, sore skin gather around in pleasurable goose bumps. As the smell of soup and fried eggs met his nostrils, a dozen tiny house elves wearing delicate, flowery aprons and small chef hats greeted him, gathering around him and squealing kindly.

'Good morning Mr Lupin!"

"Mr Lupin, you're back!"

"How are you Mr Lupin?"

"Would you like a hot chocolate Mr Lupin?"

"How about a nice coffee and some buttered croissants?"

"Did you sleep well Mr Lupin?"

Brushing the hair out of his eyes, Remus smiled at the wrinkled creatures around him. For the first time in two weeks, he felt loved and cared for. He hadn't come here because he had felt hungry, but now, with warmth and flavored scents embracing him and awakening his senses, Remus finally felt like he could stomach some food.

He sat at the low table in the middle of the kitchen and the small elves brought him delicious treats and hot milk, making sure that the food was soft and warm, just as Remus liked it. He enjoyed his breakfast less quietly than he usually would, surrounded by dozens of excited house elves, who always welcomed him so warmly and talked to him so eagerly, as if he wasn't their most frequent visitor.

Because during cold November days, Remus spent most of his time in the Kitchen, talking and helping, cooking and baking, cleaning and washing, reading and resting. The small house elves treated him like a God, so stunned and appreciative of his kind and modest behavior, so pleased to see him wanting to help. They understood him and they did their best to cheer him up when he needed it, just as Remus did his best to help them.

Before long, however, just as Remus was finishing off his breakfast, the front wall of the kitchens slid open once more and Sirius Black came striding in. Raising his eyebrows in acknowledgment of the squealed greetings he was receiving, he went straight for the chair next to Remus, pulling it closer to him and sitting down with a sigh.

"Back in here again, Moony?" he asked, putting his hands on the table and looking at the wall in front of them.

Remus chewed the last remains of his croissant slowly, not answering.

He felt just as distant as he acted, although he didn't mean to. He wanted to reach out for Sirius more than anything, wanted to confide in him and ask for his comfort, ask for his friendship. But he couldn't. He was being held back by this inexplicable sadness.

Sirius sighed again and turned to face Remus in his chair. Looking at him, he frowned.

"Talk to me Moony."

Remus couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius. Feeling ashamed, he looked at his hands.

"I want to help you. We want to help you. I mean, this happens every year and…well, we can't help but notice; it's getting worse. You barely talk to us. Damn it Remus, you barely look at us." His voice was gentle, soft, and Remus knew that if he would look back at him, his eyes would be glistening with the threat of tears.

"We miss you, Moony"

Maybe it was the way in which he had said it, or maybe the way in which his voice had broken at the end, or maybe just the phrase itself, but Remus found himself feeling something else besides sadness. It was there for the slightest moment, but then it was gone again. Clenching his hands together, Remus looked at the wall.

Sirius covered Remus' hands with one of his own. It was cold, but Remus didn't shiver.

"Remus" Sirius edged his chair closer still. "Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it."

Silence. The house elves had left. Having gone into the chambers behind the walls, they left the two boys alone. The silence was too much for Remus. He felt like his ears were ringing, like the whiteness of the walls was swallowing him whole and he was drowning. Sirius' hand on his was the only thing that kept him on the surface.

"I know that you can't help it. And I know that you'll come back eventually, once this damn cursed month is over. But I can't stand this. I can't see you suffer like this, Moony. Not for so long, not so intensely, and not so alone."

Shifting in his chair, he put his other hand on Remus' arm.

"Why is this place, why are these creatures the only things that you can tolerate? Why do they make you feel better when your own friends don't? Remus-"

His face was now close to Remus', his eyes staring into the side of Remus' face, who was still looking ahead of him.

"Are we really not helping? Because we're trying. But we don't know what else to do. We want you back, Moony. Are your own friends not a good enough refuge? Not a good enough comfort? Do we really bring you no solace?"

Shaking slightly, or shivering, Remus could not tell, Sirius peeled his hands away from Remus and put his face in them.

"Goddammit Remus!" Losing it, Sirius jumped from his chair and kicked it away from him. He stood gasping and shaking, waiting for something, anything.

And Remus tried. He really tried. But he was numb.

Sirius had dropped his soft tone entirely. He was shouting. "This is fucking rubbish! It's not the weather, it's not the month, it's all in your fucking head Remus! You fucking make it worse for yourself! Fuck's sake, TALK TO ME!"

Grabbing Remus by the collar of his pyjamas, he pulled him up from his chair and slammed him against the wall.

Holding him there, palms pressed against his chest, Sirius gave up. He looked Remus in the eye, and this time, he was looking back.

"Do something.", he pleaded. "Please, just do something", he breathed and dropped his head.

Remus put all of his will and strength forward.

"Sirius" he managed to croak.

The long haired boy looked up, hopeless and sad, looking just as Remus felt. He put his head against Remus' chest and closed his eyes. Remus lifted a hand and dropped it on Sirius' head, his fingers curling through dark locks.

Lifting his head slowly, Sirius placed it on Remus' shoulder this time, his nose right against his neck; he smelled of milk and morning sweat. He brushed his lips against the skin there, and placed a soft kiss at the base of his neck.

Then he lifted his head a bit more, and greeted Remus' pale lips with the lightest touch of his own.

And then he crumbled onto the floor, morphing into a fluffy dark shape at Remus' feet. Sitting down against the wall, Remus let Padfoot climb onto his lap and stroked the dog's shaggy fur. Sitting there, with the great, warm, loving animal breathing quietly next to him, Remus felt peaceful. But the numbness stayed.

 **Author's note: Thank you so much for reading my story! I know it might be…a bit rubbish, so it would help me a lot if you'd comment your thoughts on it and, well…constructive criticism is the key! So, if you think there's something I should really work on or even change, I'm all ears. Or…eyes. I really want to improve my writing skills and your help is very much appreciated ^-^ Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed it. :D**


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